By Evridiki Fatolia,
“Micro-cheating is a series of small acts that show that a person is showing emotional or physical interest in someone else, outside of their relationship,” says expert Melanie Schilling.
To analyze it more with examples. “Some signs of micro-cheating are messages and in general communication with other people on social media. This shows that you are flirting, but if you feel that you have something to hide from your partner, ask yourself why you are doing it,” says Schilling. Hiding is probably the first bell that should stir you up and make you think. You or your partner talking to your ex on Facebook and doing it in extreme secrecy is something wrong between you.
As the name suggests, mirco-cheating is a “microfaith”. In simple words, it is not a complete infidelity. Rather, it takes the form of engaging in inappropriate behaviors or interactions, violating the limits of intimacy or attempts to facilitate intimace with other people. Usually, these are behaviors such as: Flirting and feeding sexual energy with people outside the relationship. Likes or positive comments on provocative content posted on social media. Maintaining an emotionally intimate relationship or flirting with an ex-relation. Do not set clear boundaries to someone who seems to care about you or hide your relationship status from him.
Do you want a few more examples?
-Save a contact on a mobile phone with a different name.
– The permanently turned cell phone when you’re both.
-Communication (flirt) on social media with strangers and even ex-partners.
-Hidden phone calls.
Talk negatively about your relationship, especially to someone who might be interested in you. Maintaining constant communication with someone while keeping these interactions partially or completely secret from your partner. Seek comfort from someone who may be interested in you when there is tension in your relationship. However, what is considered mirco-cheating for one person, can be completely different for someone else. Experts argue that it is difficult to create a specific list of behaviors that are considered micro-cheating, as each couple will have their own definitions of infidelity and has their own limits.
According to experts, micro-cheating can be both intentional and unintentional. It can be anything. From likeing the posts of an old flirt, to downloading Tinder to your mobile, even if you never intend to meet anyone. Sometimes we do not realize how our actions will affect our partner or do not understand exactly where this delicate line lies.
That’s why it’s important to set boundaries early in a relationship and continue to be reassessed as we move on to different stages of life. For example, what may be ok for a new couple in their 20s, may look like absolute betrayal 10 years later.
It is also important to recognize that each person has a different perception of what can hurt him or make him feel vulnerable and not to assume that your personal limits are the same as those that your partner considers healthy.
The first step in answering this question is to be honest with yourself. Do you create a close bond or an emotional relationship with someone else outside the relationship that has a sexual element? Do you think your partner would feel uncomfortable with your behavior? Would you feel hurt if he did the same to you? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, it may be a sign that something is wrong. If you still do not have an answer, the next step may be to discuss with your relationship the limits of infidelity, so that you both be honest, without hurting each other.
The emotional intimacy, flirtation, and secrecy involved in mirco-cheating can erode the connection, trust, and security of a relationship over time. Relationships require constant effort and directing your emotional and sexual energy to other people, other than your partner, means letting the intimacy of your relationship stand still.
What Is Micro Cheating? Examples, Signs, How to Move Forward. (2023). Choosing Therapy. Available here