By Nikolina Koulouri,
Being a young adult today is a lot of pressure not everyone can handle the same way. Times have changed and everyday life has become much more complex than it used to be when our parents, for example, were kids or young adults. So, it is normal for a student to face late night thoughts and uncertainty about the future, especially when the person lives on their own. These conversations with ourselves have become part of the plan and maybe that is the most important lesson in our college years. It is okay for every person to be a little messy as much as they want to be spotless, because the most important thing in the end, is to keep moving forward.
I can definitely admit that there are nights when it’s 3 in the morning, and I’m still wide awake. I am alone, lying in my bed, the clock is ticking and the only thing I am doing is staring at the ceiling. I know that I have to wake up early tomorrow for studying and for my university classes, but right now, the only thing that is keeping me awake is wondering what I’m even doing with my life.
These thoughts usually begin with thinking about whether I should change my major. Maybe it’s not for made for me, I should switch to something more active and useful for the job market. The world is full of graduates like me anyway. I don’t even know if I am good enough for this job and how am I going to spend my life doing something I am not good at? But then it hits me that I love studying Linguistics and I can evolve in my field.
Next, the thought comes to mind about whether I did everything I should before going to sleep, although I am wide awake and not even sleepy. I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten to do something important but I can’t figure out what it is. Did I lock the door? Did I submit all of my assignments on time? I start stressing that I will not get the grade I want to achieve in my Phonetics class. Here is when disappointment starts to hit, as well as guilt for not being excellent and anxiety is next to starting to take over my mind.
Deep down since I am not resting my mind knows that I’ll wake up late and panic. Then my mind shifts to the day that just passed. I skipped one out of my three classes today because I was feeling overwhelmed and not focused enough. I don’t even remember what the teacher talked about in that one class I attended. I hope I wrote everything down or else my notes will not be complete. Maybe after all I was just a listener who was trying to catch up as my mind was for sure not where my body was at. I try not to think about failure but, of course, the thoughts just keep coming and coming without an end.
Another thought that keeps me up is whether I should be doing something with my diet. Maybe I should try and cook something healthier from now on. Summer is right around the corner and I still do not have my dream body. I shouldn’t have ordered that take-away last week. But it’s too late now, there is no going back and I will force myself to be more obedient in weight loss. Sometimes I am wondering if I am being too harsh on myself. But on the other hand I should have been more careful so that I would not have this issue right now, on top of all the other thoughts that are crossing my mind this Friday night.
I keep checking my phone, while I am trying to sleep. I can’t sleep without checking my phone one last time for messages. It’s been five minutes and none of my friends have responded to my texts. They probably are sleeping, it is too late anyway but what if I have hurt them without me knowing? Maybe they are sick of me because of my overthinking. I won’t send another message, I do not want to be annoying but I’ll definitely think about it until I fall asleep. With all of this on my mind, I know it’s just a matter of time before I finally fall asleep for a few hours, and when I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing, I’ll have to deal with a tired mind.
During nights like this, I try and give myself some time to comprehend and control this mass of emotions in my body. I drink some water, take a walk around my apartment, listen to some music and suddenly life does not feel like an uncontrollable burden. Eventually, every single one of my thoughts start to have a solution and that is when I understand that there are much more serious problems in the world and I feel blessed to have such small issues to face in my life. After this midnight crisis, I go to bed, I feel stronger and thankful for being healthy and active in my everyday life.
